As a disclaimer I will say that in the moment neither of these stories were very funny to me, but within only a few hours I could look back and laugh. I knew I had to write these down so that someday when Claire's kids are being little stinkers I can say "look you did crazy things too!".
About 2 weeks ago we had our first prenatal appointment. Drew met Claire and I at the OB office and we had our routine check up. I had to get some blood work done in the lab afterwards, but Drew had to head back to work, so Claire and I stayed by ourselves. After a quick poke I thought we were ready to go home but the nurse called me back and told me I needed to leave a urine sample as well before we left. I knew this was going to be a pain, but I ushered Claire into the tiny little hospital bathroom and turned around to close the door. Then I heard what no mother wants to hear in the bathroom with a toddler...
In the 5 seconds it took me to turn around and close the door Claire had bee lined to the toilet and stuck both hands straight in. I turned around in horror to see Claire happily splashing away in the toilet water, with a very pleased look on her face.
Like I said before, the girl loves water.
After only mildly freaking out, and washing her hands about 17 times we were able to leave the doctors with no more 'water play'.
And if one bathroom incident wasn't enough, fast forward three days and we're back at the doctors, only this time for Claire.
Claire's urine had been smelling really strong for about a week so I called the doctor and she asked us to come in so she could make sure Claire didn't have a UTI.
I'm not really sure how I thought they were going to test her for a UTI, but in we went, and the doctor informed me she would need a urine sample.
Oh did I mention it needed to be a 'clean catch' urine sample? So none of the normal, strap-a-weird-little-bag-thing-on-her-until-she-pee's trick's would work. So our options were rather limited and the doctor said she would probably have to do a catheter to get the sample. Well Claire HATES the doctor. She freaks out getting her temperature taken, so I knew there was no way I was going to be able to hold her still enough to do a catheter, and I was too much of an emotional pregnant wreck to watch her cry like that.
I told the doctor that sometimes Claire sits on the little potty insert at home while I read her books, and she was more than willing to let us try to do it that way. The nurse led us to the bathroom and said to take as much time as we needed, and left me with the little sample cup. Well what the doctor failed to mention is that they dont have the potty seat inserts, so my option was to hold my squirming toddler over a toilet until she peed. Um, yeah right.
So what does a desperate mom do? That's right, I stripped Claire down and let her run around the little bathroom butt naked while I chased her around in case she started to pee. After about 10 minutes I was ready to give up and call it a day, when that magical moment happened, and I quickly shoved the little sample cup under Claire.
I don't think I've ever been more excited to have Claire pee in my whole life!
I wiped Claire down, stuck a diaper on and used a whole lot of paper towels and sanitizing wipes to clean the bathroom floor. I walked out to find the nurse, feeling like super mom; I had just saved my baby from a mean ol' catheter!
Now comes my shameful moment of this story.
I knew that probably wasn't the way the nurse and doctor wanted me to get the sample but I didn't care! When I walked out of the room they both were so impressed that Claire had peed on the potty, and kept telling me how smart she was, and that I could start potty training early.
In the end Claire was fine, which only reinforced my feeling of super mom status that I saved her from unnecessary tortue!